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89. Write my future self a letter and write my past self a letter
As it's my birthday week, I spent a lot of time thinking of what I wanted to say to myself. I had some pretty dark/morbid moments of thought. I had some moments of gratitude as well. I finished writing my letter to Future Kate yesterday and sent it 10 years into the future to the Kate of 2026. There was a lot of crying involved while writing, just like last time. Last time I wrote one, I sent it to 2025, so it'll be interesting to both Future Kates to compare one letter to the one the next year. I feel like not a lot changes in my life, but I'm pretty sure there will be some changes between the two even so. I wonder what it would be like to do this exercise every year? I also donated to FutureMe.org to help ensure that it'll still be around in 10 years.
I finished my letter to Past Kate just now. That involved even more crying. I had a really difficult time writing it, because I wasn't sure which past Kate I was talking to. In the end, I just wrote paragraphs to a bunch of different mes. I forgave myself for my past mistakes (probably the hardest sections to write). I told myself things that seemed bad would turn out okay. I told myself to forgive one of my bullies (who ended up having some seriously shitty things happen to her in life, things she had to have been dealing with back then to cause her to act the way she did to me). I also told myself that I was glad I didn't go through with my suicide attempts which is something I've been glad about for years, obviously, but have never had a chance to actually write out and tell myself. In the end, it was extremely cathartic. However, I'm really glad none of my past selves can actually read this. All my hardships and mistakes made me who I am right now. And I like who I am right now. I wouldn't want to risk stupid Past Kates ruining that for me and making me turn out different. And I think realizing that is the best thing that could have come from this exercise.
As it's my birthday week, I spent a lot of time thinking of what I wanted to say to myself. I had some pretty dark/morbid moments of thought. I had some moments of gratitude as well. I finished writing my letter to Future Kate yesterday and sent it 10 years into the future to the Kate of 2026. There was a lot of crying involved while writing, just like last time. Last time I wrote one, I sent it to 2025, so it'll be interesting to both Future Kates to compare one letter to the one the next year. I feel like not a lot changes in my life, but I'm pretty sure there will be some changes between the two even so. I wonder what it would be like to do this exercise every year? I also donated to FutureMe.org to help ensure that it'll still be around in 10 years.
I finished my letter to Past Kate just now. That involved even more crying. I had a really difficult time writing it, because I wasn't sure which past Kate I was talking to. In the end, I just wrote paragraphs to a bunch of different mes. I forgave myself for my past mistakes (probably the hardest sections to write). I told myself things that seemed bad would turn out okay. I told myself to forgive one of my bullies (who ended up having some seriously shitty things happen to her in life, things she had to have been dealing with back then to cause her to act the way she did to me). I also told myself that I was glad I didn't go through with my suicide attempts which is something I've been glad about for years, obviously, but have never had a chance to actually write out and tell myself. In the end, it was extremely cathartic. However, I'm really glad none of my past selves can actually read this. All my hardships and mistakes made me who I am right now. And I like who I am right now. I wouldn't want to risk stupid Past Kates ruining that for me and making me turn out different. And I think realizing that is the best thing that could have come from this exercise.
